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第52部分（第4页）

（What　in　the　name　of　God　were　you　thinking　of？）

The　answer　came　back　with　no　pause。

（Me。　I　was　thinking　of　me。）

He　suddenly　remembered　lying　in　bed　the　night　before；　lying　there　and　suddenly

he　had　been　contemplating　the　murder　of　his　wife。

In　that　instant；　kneeling　there；　everything　came　clear　to　him。　It　was　not　just

Danny　the　Overlook　was　working　on。　It　was　working　on　him；　too。　It　wasnt　Danny

who　was　the　weak　link；　it　was　him。　He　was　the　vulnerable　one；　the　one　who　could

be　bent　and　twisted　until　something　snapped。

（until　i　let　go　and　sleep　。。。　and　when　i　do　that　if　i　do　that）

He　looked　up　at　the　banks　of　windows　and　the　sun　threw　back　an　almost　blinding

glare　from　their　many…paned　surfaces　but　he　looked　anyway。　For　the　first　time　he

noticed　how　much　they　seemed　like　eyes。　They　reflected　away　the　sun　and　held

their　own　darkness　within。　It　was　not　Danny　they　were　looking　at。　It　was　him。

In　those　few　seconds　he　understood　everything。　There　was　a　certain　black…and…

white　picture　he　remembered　seeing　as　a　child；　in　catechism　class。　The　nun　had

presented　it　to　them　on　an　easel　and　called　it　a　miracle　of　God。　The　class　had

looked　at　it　blankly；　seeing　nothing　but　a　jumble　of　whites　and　blacks；

senseless　and　patternless　Then　one　of　the　children　in　the　third　row　had　gasped；

〃Its　Jesus！〃　and　that　child　had　gone　home　with　a　brand…new　Testament　and　also　a

calendar　because　he　had　been　first。　The　others　stared　even　harder；　Jacky

Torrance　among　them。　One　by　one　the　other　kids　had　given　a　similar　gasp；　one

little　girl　transported　in　near…ecstasy；　crying　out　shrilly：　〃I　see　Him！　I　see

Him！〃　She　had　also　been　rewarded　with　a　Testament。　At　last　everyone　had　seen　the

face　of　Jesus　in　the　jumble　of　blacks　and　whites　except　Jacky。　He　strained

harder　and　harder；　scared　now；　part　of　him　cynically　thinking　that　everyone　else

was　simply　putting　on　to　please　Sister　Beatrice；　part　of　him　secretly　convinced

that　he　wasnt　seeing　it　because　God　had　decided　he　was　the　worst　sinner　in　the

class。　〃Dont　you　see　it；　Jacky？〃　Sister　Beatrice　had　asked　him　in　her　sad；

sweet　manner。　I　see　your　tits；　he　had　thought　in　vicious　desperation。　He　began

to　shake　his　head；　then　faked　excitement　and　said：　〃Yes；　I　do！　Wow！　It　is　Jesus！　〃

And　everyone　in　class　had　laughed　and　applauded　him；　making　him　feel

triumphant；　ashamed；　and　scared。　Later；　when　everyone　else　had　tumbled　their　way

up　from　the　church　basement　and　out　onto　the　street　he　had　lingered　behind；

looking　at　the　meaningless　black…and…white　jumble　that　Sister　Beatrice　had　left

on　the　easel。　He　hated　it。　They　had　all　made　it　up　the　way　he　had；　even　Sister

herself。　It　was　a　big　fake。　〃Shitfire…hellfire…shitfire；〃　he　had　whispered　under

his　breath；　and　as　he　turned　to　go　he　bad　seen　the　face　of　Jesus　fro

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