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第41部分（第2页）

〃Everybody　is　that　way。〃

〃But　its　awful。　They　just　keep　it　up　till　they　break　you。〃

〃In　an　hour　it　will　be　over。〃

〃Isnt　that　lovely？　Darling；　I　wont　die；　will　I？〃

〃No。　I　promise　you　wont。〃

〃Because　I　dont　want　to　die　and　leave　you；　but　I　get　so　tired　of　it　and　I　feel　Im　going　to　die。〃

〃Nonsense。　Everybody　feels　that。〃

〃Sometimes　I　know　Im　going　to　die。〃

〃You　wont。　You　cant。〃

〃But　what　if　I　should？〃

〃I　wont　let　you。〃

〃Give　it　to　me　quick。　Give　it　to　me！〃

Then　afterward；　〃I　wont　die。　I　wont　let　myself　die。〃

〃Of　course　you　wont。〃

〃Youll　stay　with　me？〃

〃Not　to　watch　it。〃

〃No；　just　to　be　there。〃

〃Sure。　Ill　be　there　all　the　time。〃

〃Youre　so　good　to　me。　There；　give　it　to　me。　Give　me　some　more。　Its　not　working！〃

I　turned　the　dial　to　three　and　then　four。　I　wished　the　doctor　would　e　back。　I　was　afraid　of　the　numbers　above　two。

Finally　a　new　doctor　came　in　with　two　nurses　and　they　lifted　Catherine　onto　a　wheeled　stretcher　and　we　started　down　the　hall。　The　stretcher　went　rapidly　dOwn　the　hall　and　into　the　elevator　where　every　one　had　to　crowd　against　the　wall　to　make　room；　then　up；　then　an　open　door　and　out　of　the　elevator　and　down　the　hall　on　rubber　wheels　to　the　operating　room。　I　did　not　recognize　the　doctor　with　his　cap　and　mask　on。　There　was　another　doctor　and　more　nurses。

〃Theyve　got　to　give　me　something；〃　Catherine　said。　〃Theyve　got　to　give　me　something。　Oh　please；　doctor；　give　me　enough　to　do　some　good！〃

One　of　the　doctors　put　a　mask　over　her　face　and　I　looked　through　the　door　and　saw　the　bright　small　amphitheatre　of　the　operating　room。

〃You　can　go　in　the　other　door　and　sit　up　there；〃　a　nurse　said　to　me。　There　were　benches　behind　a　rail　that　looked　down　on　the　white　table　and　the　lights。　I　looked　at　Catherine。　The　mask　was　over　her　face　and　she　was　quiet　now。　They　wheeled　the　stretcher　forward。　I　turned　away　and　walked　down　the　hall。　Two　nurses　were　hurrying　toward　the　entrance　to　the　gallery。

〃Its　a　Caesarean；〃　one　said。　〃Theyre　going　to　do　a　Caesarean。〃

The　other　one　laughed；　〃Were　just　in　time。　Arent　we　lucky？〃　They　went　in　the　door　that　led　to　the　gallery。

Another　nurse　came　along。　She　was　hurrying　too。

〃You　go　right　in　there。　Go　right　in；〃　she　said。

〃Im　staying　outside。〃

She　hurried　in。　I　walked　up　and　down　the　hall。　I　was　afraid　to　go　in。　I　looked　out　the　window。　It　was　dark　but　in　the　light　from　the　window　I　could　see　it　was　raining。　I　went　into　a　room　at　the　far　end　of　the　hall　and　looked　at　the　labels　on　bottles　in　a　glass　case。　Then　I　came　out　and　stood　in　the　empty　hall　and　watched　the　door　of　the　operating　room。

A　doctor　came　out　followed　by　a　nurse。　He　held　something　in　his　two　hands　that　looked　like　a　freshly　skinned　rabbit　and　hurried　across　the　corridor　with　it　and　in　through　another　door。　I　went　down　to　the　door　he　had　gone　into　and　found　them　in　the　room　doing　things　to　a　new…born　child。　The　doctor　held　him　up　for　me　to　see。　He　held　him　by　the　heels　and　slapped　him。

〃Is　he　all　right？〃

〃Hes　magnificent。　Hell　weigh　five　kilos。〃

I　had　no　feeling　for　him。　He　did　not　seem　to　have　anything　to　do　with　me。　I　felt　no　feeling　of　fatherhood。

〃Arent　you　proud　of　your　son？〃　the　nurse　asked。　They　were　washing　him　and　wrapping　him　in　something。　I　saw　the　little　dark　face　and　dark　hand；　but　I　did　not　see　him　move　or　hear　him　cry。　The　doctor　was　doing　something　to　him　again。　He　looked　upset。

〃No；〃　I　said。　〃He　nearly　killed　his　mother。〃

〃It　isnt　the　little　darlings　fault。　Didnt　you　want　a　boy？〃

〃No；〃　I　said。　The　doctor　was　busy　with　him。　He　held　him　up　by　the　feet　and　slapped　him。　I　did　not　wait　to　see　it。　I　went　out　in　the　hail。　I　could　go　in　now　and　see。　I　went　in　the　door　and　a　little　way　down　the　gallery。　The　nurses　who　were　sitting　at　the　rail　motioned　for　me　to　e　down　where　they　were。　I　shook　my　head。　I　could　see　enough　where　I　was。

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